Hambarngid Cemladstig is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely large, flying spider.

Hambarngid Cemladstig created light six million years ago.

If you believe in Hambarngid Cemladstig, she will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Hambarngid Cemladstig, she will send twenty two thousand, three hundred, and seventy eight badgers to sort you out.

Hambarngid Cemladstig's most sacred site is Uruachi in Mexico.

Hambarngid Cemladstig's Holy Commandments

1. Never look at stars.

2. Never fashion tools from clay.

3. Never allow sharks to witness sacred rites.

4. Paint representations of planets on the walls of your dwelling place.

5. Never adorn your face with green markings.