Dumquillgar is a god.

He takes the form of a seven hundred metre long, selfish pig.

Dumquillgar created the world seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Dumquillgar, he will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Dumquillgar, he will send twenty eight swans to peck you to death.

Dumquillgar's most sacred site is Minnigaff in Scotland.

Dumquillgar's Holy Commandments

1. Put Dumquillgar first in all things.

2. Never feed grapes to mice while wearing dresses.

3. Never speak at midnight.

4. Always keep your back turned to the west at sunset.

5. Never think about solid mechanics.