Beportnab is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly fat, charitable cat.

Beportnab created a strange quark four years ago.

If you believe in Beportnab, she will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Beportnab, she will turn you into a puffin.

Beportnab's most sacred site is Pisterzo in Italy.

Beportnab's Holy Commandments

1. Always keep your back turned to the north at sunset.

2. Do not consume grapes at dawn.

3. Always act with purity when addressing priests.

4. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

5. Pray only in firelight.