Hamquagzan is a god.

He takes the form of a two thousand metre long, overgenerous hummingbird.

Hamquagzan created gold seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Hamquagzan, he will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Hamquagzan, he will jump up and down on your head until it really hurts.

Hamquagzan's most sacred site is Inshas in Egypt.

Hamquagzan's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about gravity near otters while wearing fawn hats and balancing four tin spheres on your head.

2. Never talk about nebulae.

3. Never speak aloud of numbers.

4. Never hurt dogs.

5. Never cross rivers at dawn.