Gomfengam is a god.

She takes the form of a plump, merciless armadillo.

Gomfengam created the universe nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Gomfengam, she will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Gomfengam, she will turn you into a goat.

Gomfengam's most sacred site is Oppin in Germany.

Gomfengam's Holy Commandments

1. Do not dye your hair blue.

2. Do not utter prayers while touching carbon.

3. Never approach crossroads carrying stone.

4. Never allow bats to sleep beneath your roof.

5. Never wear cyan coats on sacred days.