Ladqueegcit is a god.

He takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, selfish newt.

Ladqueegcit created the cosmos eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Ladqueegcit, he will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Ladqueegcit, he will send twenty eight swans to peck you to death.

Ladqueegcit's most sacred site is Chilhac in France.

Ladqueegcit's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about nebulae.

2. Do not wear iron on your body.

3. Retreat if seven ducks approach from the north.

4. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Always help sick rats.