Arfortvan is a god.

She takes the form of a heavy, dishonest toad.

Arfortvan created life five million years ago.

If you believe in Arfortvan, she will celebrate by creating some universes.

If you do not believe in Arfortvan, she will turn you into an amoeba.

Arfortvan's most sacred site is Crugybar in Wales.

Arfortvan's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about gravity.

2. Never talk about quantum gravity near whales while wearing white dresses.

3. Never sit near porpoises.

4. Do not commit murder.

5. Always look both ways before crossing roads.