Laptalmip is a god.

She takes the form of a galaxy-sized, duplicitous hyena.

Laptalmip created oxygen five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Laptalmip, she will give you the power of flight.

If you do not believe in Laptalmip, she will send you a strongly worded letter.

Laptalmip's most sacred site is Kgope in Botswana.

Laptalmip's Holy Commandments

1. Never speak of chaos in the presence of children.

2. Do not record signs concerning nebulae.

3. Pray only in darkness.

4. Never think about quantum gravity near bats while wearing mauve shirts and balancing four tin spheres on your head.

5. Always treat swans with great respect.