Lakfeblanaf is a god.

He takes the form of a gargantuan, grumpy lion.

Lakfeblanaf created snails three million years ago.

If you believe in Lakfeblanaf, he will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Lakfeblanaf, he will turn you into a mole.

Lakfeblanaf's most sacred site is Khwee in Botswana.

Lakfeblanaf's Holy Commandments

1. Always face the east before speaking sacred words.

2. You must never eat cherries.

3. Never feed oranges to aardvarks while wearing pink hats.

4. Do not listen to music.

5. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.