Farnmatwod is a god.

He takes the form of an enormous, annoying porpoise.

Farnmatwod created water three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Farnmatwod, he will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Farnmatwod, he will attempt to scare you with strong winds.

Farnmatwod's most sacred site is Oppin in Germany.

Farnmatwod's Holy Commandments

1. Always take life seriously.

2. Paint representations of comets on the walls of your dwelling place in black.

3. Never eat turnips.

4. Always cleanse your hands after touching silicon.

5. Do not stand on grass.