Yarlxempid is a god.

She takes the form of a very small, slow tapir.

Yarlxempid created humanity four billion years ago.

If you believe in Yarlxempid, she will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Yarlxempid, she will name a particularly small and pointless asteroid after you.

Yarlxempid's most sacred site is Rautio in Finland.

Yarlxempid's Holy Commandments

1. Do not keep eight mites in a large pit.

2. Always act with humility when addressing elders.

3. Never jump in spring.

4. Never discuss horizontal gene transfer in public assemblies.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of tin.