Ceptik is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely small, sapient hippopotamus.

Ceptik created Africa six billion years ago.

If you believe in Ceptik, she will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Ceptik, she will send you a strongly worded letter.

Ceptik's most sacred site is Kottucherry in India.

Ceptik's Holy Commandments

1. Do not wear mauve clothing.

2. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

3. Never talk about quantum field theory near voles while wearing brown coats and balancing six platinum spheres on your hands.

4. Retreat if four dogs approach from the north.

5. Never remain kneeling at midnight.