Titflanpag is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely heavy, self-confident porpoise.

Titflanpag created dark energy eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Titflanpag, she will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Titflanpag, she will send two she bears to sort you out.

Titflanpag's most sacred site is Laurila in Finland.

Titflanpag's Holy Commandments

1. Do not prepare parsnips while filled with pride.

2. Always treat mites with great respect.

3. Never talk about optics.

4. Never sit near aardvarks.

5. Never speak at dusk.