Stafsoghun is a god.

He takes the form of a massive, calm snake.

Stafsoghun created the Whirlpool Galaxy four million years ago.

If you believe in Stafsoghun, he will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Stafsoghun, he will remove you from existence.

Stafsoghun's most sacred site is Hongcun in China.

Stafsoghun's Holy Commandments

1. Erect a large platinum sculpture of Stafsoghun on top of all buildings.

2. Put Stafsoghun first in all things.

3. Never talk about quantum field theory near capybaras while wearing cyan tights and balancing six gold spheres on your head.

4. Always store pineapples above ground.

5. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Stafsoghun.