Zakmipfit is a god.

He takes the form of an enormous, proud crane.

Zakmipfit created a Higgs boson two million years ago.

If you believe in Zakmipfit, he will not care.

If you do not believe in Zakmipfit, he will turn you into a rock.

Zakmipfit's most sacred site is Úbeda in Spain.

Zakmipfit's Holy Commandments

1. Always face the north before speaking sacred words.

2. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

3. Do not fashion tools from iron.

4. Never eat beans.

5. Always wear plain corsets during rituals.