Kimgetbig is a god.

It takes the form of a corpulent, bad-tempered wren.

Kimgetbig created dark energy seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Kimgetbig, it will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Kimgetbig, it will turn you into a giant slug.

Kimgetbig's most sacred site is Laurila in Finland.

Kimgetbig's Holy Commandments

1. Always check lakes for frogs.

2. Paint representations of moons on the walls of your dwelling place.

3. Remain prostrate during prayer.

4. Never fashion tools from stone.

5. Never gather eight moths near towers.