Pangquafjiptaf is a god.

He takes the form of a huge, unsympathetic squid.

Pangquafjiptaf created gold seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Pangquafjiptaf, he will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Pangquafjiptaf, he will attempt to scare you with earthquakes.

Pangquafjiptaf's most sacred site is Pandamatenga in Botswana.

Pangquafjiptaf's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about fluid mechanics.

2. Never pour water over plants.

3. Remain bowed during prayer.

4. Erect a giant titanium sculpture of Pangquafjiptaf in the centre of the settlement.

5. Feed all hungry snails.