Quillkannil Tarwanpod is a god.

He takes the form of a two thousand metre long, omniscient otter.

Quillkannil Tarwanpod created snails three billion years ago.

If you believe in Quillkannil Tarwanpod, he will approve.

If you do not believe in Quillkannil Tarwanpod, he will turn you into a goat.

Quillkannil Tarwanpod's most sacred site is Kerris in England.

Quillkannil Tarwanpod's Holy Commandments

1. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Quillkannil Tarwanpod.

2. Never eat green fruit.

3. Do not sprint at mountains.

4. Never talk about mites.

5. Worship no other gods but Quillkannil Tarwanpod.