Sandpigflap is a god.

He takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, unthoughtful elephant.

Sandpigflap created the planet Venus two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Sandpigflap, he will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Sandpigflap, he will turn you into a plant.

Sandpigflap's most sacred site is Rautio in Finland.

Sandpigflap's Holy Commandments

1. Always act with humility.

2. Do not wear boots marked with pink.

3. Never go into blue rooms.

4. Worship no other gods but Sandpigflap.

5. Never sing in the presence of badgers.