Bellmutpit is a god.

It takes the form of a very fat, conceited guinea pig.

Bellmutpit created humankind three million years ago.

If you believe in Bellmutpit, it will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Bellmutpit, it will turn you into a plant.

Bellmutpit's most sacred site is Mmankgodi in Botswana.

Bellmutpit's Holy Commandments

1. Never prepare turnips during winter.

2. Never think about asteroids.

3. Never tolerate laughter in holy places.

4. Erect a giant lead sculpture of Bellmutpit in the centre of the settlement.

5. Do not drink water in blue rooms.