Taftamcum is a god.

She takes the form of a thin, impressive spider.

Taftamcum created the planet Saturn three million years ago.

If you believe in Taftamcum, she will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Taftamcum, she will cry a lot.

Taftamcum's most sacred site is Dimson in England.

Taftamcum's Holy Commandments

1. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

2. Do not utter prayers while touching gold.

3. Never write about photosynthesis.

4. Do not prepare limes while filled with fear.

5. Always wash your feet before prayer.