Zimjiggumwad is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely small, uncaring badger.

Zimjiggumwad created dark energy seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Zimjiggumwad, he will approve.

If you do not believe in Zimjiggumwad, he will try to impress you with rainbows.

Zimjiggumwad's most sacred site is Qangwa in Botswana.

Zimjiggumwad's Holy Commandments

1. Hide from violet tortoises for they are unholy.

2. Always keep your back turned to the east at sunset.

3. Learn seven new languages a year.

4. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Pray towards the west.