Tallakzimveg is a god.

She takes the form of an one thousand metre long, fast narwhal.

Tallakzimveg created tapeworms seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Tallakzimveg, she will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Tallakzimveg, she will turn you into a blue tit.

Tallakzimveg's most sacred site is Rutalahti in Finland.

Tallakzimveg's Holy Commandments

1. Never gather six foxes near towers.

2. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

3. Fast once a month.

4. Retreat if three manatees approach from the east.

5. Erect four iron sculptures of Tallakzimveg on top of important buildings.