Nellnelnan is a god.

He takes the form of a giant, pitiless chinchilla.

Nellnelnan created viruses six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Nellnelnan, he will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Nellnelnan, he will send four elephants to rub you out.

Nellnelnan's most sacred site is Buskerud in Norway.

Nellnelnan's Holy Commandments

1. Always take life seriously.

2. Never think about thermodynamics.

3. Always pray immersed in water.

4. Walk at least six thousand metres per day.

5. Never think about special relativity near nematodes while wearing brown rings and balancing eight zinc spheres on your legs.