Veenlapgem is a god.

It takes the form of a microscopic, uncaring snake.

Veenlapgem created Asia six billion years ago.

If you believe in Veenlapgem, it will give you the power of flight.

If you do not believe in Veenlapgem, it will throw large rocks at you.

Veenlapgem's most sacred site is Khwee in Botswana.

Veenlapgem's Holy Commandments

1. Pray only in shadows.

2. Never eat coconuts on fasting days.

3. Never talk about comets.

4. Do not dye your hair magenta.

5. Never wear white ear rings.