Tonkzanlid is a god.

It takes the form of a four thousand metre long, humorless capybara.

Tonkzanlid created humankind five billion years ago.

If you believe in Tonkzanlid, it will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Tonkzanlid, it will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Tonkzanlid's most sacred site is Thimmanaickenpalayam in India.

Tonkzanlid's Holy Commandments

1. Always help sick tapirs.

2. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

3. Never chant in holy places.

4. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Tonkzanlid.

5. Do not fashion sacred items from ash.