Matgesstan Camcipfly is a god.

He takes the form of a gargantuan, moody pigeon.

Matgesstan Camcipfly created viruses six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Matgesstan Camcipfly, he will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Matgesstan Camcipfly, he will destroy your favourite dwarf planet.

Matgesstan Camcipfly's most sacred site is Farnetta in Italy.

Matgesstan Camcipfly's Holy Commandments

1. Always cleanse your hands after touching tin.

2. Never allow squirrels to witness sacred rites.

3. Never touch ash while tainted.

4. Never think about dark matter near ducks while wearing purple trousers and balancing seven platinum spheres on your chest.

5. Hide if four otters approach from the east.