Flapnulveen is a god.

It takes the form of an eight thousand metre long, witless lobster.

Flapnulveen created a Higgs boson two million years ago.

If you believe in Flapnulveen, it will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Flapnulveen, it will have an extremely low opinion of you.

Flapnulveen's most sacred site is Rautio in Finland.

Flapnulveen's Holy Commandments

1. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Flapnulveen.

2. Do not trade with those who eat tomatoes.

3. Never handle carbon while unclean.

4. Always share parsnips with strangers, but never with dolphins.

5. Always act with purity when addressing priests.