Fondumkop is a god.

She takes the form of a very heavy, resourceful alligator.

Fondumkop created silver six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Fondumkop, she will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Fondumkop, she will hide angry, poisonous snakes in your dwelling place.

Fondumkop's most sacred site is Esse in Finland.

Fondumkop's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed lots of bananas to tapirs while wearing gray coats.

2. Always act with humility when addressing children.

3. Remain kneeling during prayer.

4. Always wear violet.

5. Do not fashion sacred items from clay.