Tifvagpig is a god.

She takes the form of a galaxy-sized, awe-inspiring hydra.

Tifvagpig created the Black Eye Galaxy three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Tifvagpig, she will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Tifvagpig, she will jump up and down on your head until it really hurts.

Tifvagpig's most sacred site is Rutalahti in Finland.

Tifvagpig's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

2. Always help sick snails.

3. Tifvagpig must be the most important thing in your life.

4. Always maintain obedience during fasting days.

5. Always face the north before speaking sacred words.