Midvonkbap is a god.

It takes the form of a gargantuan, prudent gorilla.

Midvonkbap created a top quark three billion years ago.

If you believe in Midvonkbap, it will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Midvonkbap, it will denounce you as a heretic.

Midvonkbap's most sacred site is Elatos in Greece.

Midvonkbap's Holy Commandments

1. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

2. Do not take Midvonkbap's name in vain.

3. Never think about solid mechanics near ants while wearing red coats and balancing eight lead spheres on your face.

4. Shun those given to vanity.

5. Look mercifully on unfortunate badgers.