Vonkvongemzed is a god.

She takes the form of a massive, happy frog.

Vonkvongemzed created a strange quark seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Vonkvongemzed, she will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Vonkvongemzed, she will throw large rocks at you.

Vonkvongemzed's most sacred site is Askos in Greece.

Vonkvongemzed's Holy Commandments

1. Always make a point of helping unfortunate ants.

2. Never cross mountains at midday.

3. Never look in ponds.

4. Do not speak about gooseberries.

5. Pray only in darkness.