Lap is a god.

He takes the form of a seven hundred metre long, unfair meerkat.

Lap created a bottom quark nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Lap, he will celebrate by creating some planets.

If you do not believe in Lap, he will turn you into a rat.

Lap's most sacred site is Hej in Sweden.

Lap's Holy Commandments

1. Walk at least eight thousand metres per day.

2. Never hurt frogs.

3. Look mercifully on unfortunate great tits.

4. Do not keep five snails in a large pit.

5. Do not fashion tools from silver.