Bemtamlarg is a god.

He takes the form of an eight thousand metre long, dishonest faun.

Bemtamlarg created light two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Bemtamlarg, he will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Bemtamlarg, he will not care at all.

Bemtamlarg's most sacred site is Daren in Wales.

Bemtamlarg's Holy Commandments

1. Run away if seven eagles approach from the north.

2. Never paint your chest black.

3. Never think ill of sick porpoises.

4. Always cleanse water with water.

5. Hide from purple doves for they are unholy.