Pankipquillkiphab is a god.

It takes the form of an exceedingly large, grumpy snail.

Pankipquillkiphab created humanity nine million years ago.

If you believe in Pankipquillkiphab, it will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Pankipquillkiphab, it will destroy your favourite star.

Pankipquillkiphab's most sacred site is Ulsted in Denmark.

Pankipquillkiphab's Holy Commandments

1. You must pray to Pankipquillkiphab nine times a day.

2. Never look in ponds.

3. Never fashion tools from ash.

4. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

5. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.