Gan is a god.

It takes the form of a microscopic, passionate tapir.

Gan created vertebrates two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Gan, it will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Gan, it will turn you into a giant snail.

Gan's most sacred site is Ronda in Spain.

Gan's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about the strong nuclear force near seals while wearing blue dresses and balancing six nickel spheres on your legs.

2. Feed all hungry capybaras.

3. Never discuss bacteria in public assemblies.

4. Never think about the weak nuclear force.

5. Always cleanse your hands after touching titanium.