Dam Quafdimnur is a god.

He takes the form of a thin, ill-tempered ferret.

Dam Quafdimnur created carbon seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Dam Quafdimnur, he will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Dam Quafdimnur, he will destroy your favourite planet.

Dam Quafdimnur's most sacred site is Khwee in Botswana.

Dam Quafdimnur's Holy Commandments

1. Always take life seriously.

2. Never adorn your head with green markings.

3. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

4. Do not contemplate quantum field theory during the night.

5. Always cleanse your hands after touching aluminium.