Barnomtnak is a god.

He takes the form of a giant, idiotic hyena.

Barnomtnak created snails four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Barnomtnak, he will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Barnomtnak, he will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Barnomtnak's most sacred site is Estedt in Germany.

Barnomtnak's Holy Commandments

1. Do not fashion sacred items from wood.

2. Always share gooseberries with strangers, but never with birds.

3. Do not wear silicon on your body.

4. Always check lakes for frogs.

5. Never fashion tools from ash.