Lapven is a god.

She takes the form of an eight thousand metre long, narcissistic wasp.

Lapven created a quark three billion years ago.

If you believe in Lapven, she will celebrate by creating some nebulas.

If you do not believe in Lapven, she will jump up and down fuming with rage.

Lapven's most sacred site is Ulsted in Denmark.

Lapven's Holy Commandments

1. Erect four aluminium sculptures of Lapven on top of important buildings.

2. Do not listen to music.

3. Do not contemplate ultrasonics during the night.

4. Never speak at midday.

5. Learn nine new languages a year.