Fossfutcim is a god.

He takes the form of a huge, witty tapir.

Fossfutcim created a photon nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Fossfutcim, he will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Fossfutcim, he will send five hundred and sixty eight geese to peck you to death.

Fossfutcim's most sacred site is Skive in Denmark.

Fossfutcim's Holy Commandments

1. Never fashion tools from stone.

2. Never wear fawn boots on sacred days.

3. Never mention goats.

4. Never write about dwarf planets.

5. Erect four aluminium sculptures of Fossfutcim on top of important buildings.