Bagnart is a god.

She takes the form of a planet-sized, quiet seal.

Bagnart created the planet Mars two years ago.

If you believe in Bagnart, she will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Bagnart, she will turn you into a dog.

Bagnart's most sacred site is Aguaruto in Mexico.

Bagnart's Holy Commandments

1. Run away if eight sharks approach from the north.

2. Never prepare carrots during summer.

3. Never write about bacteria.

4. Never leap near whales.

5. Do not prepare lemons while wearing skirts.