Quagpagtap is a god.

It takes the form of a gargantuan, narcissistic yak.

Quagpagtap created viruses five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Quagpagtap, it will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Quagpagtap, it will name a particularly small and pointless dust cloud after you.

Quagpagtap's most sacred site is Finnmark in Norway.

Quagpagtap's Holy Commandments

1. Never fashion tools from ash.

2. Run away if eight shrews approach from the north.

3. Always cleanse blood with water.

4. Quagpagtap must be the most important thing in your life.

5. Do not stand on grass.