Janquafmab is a god.

He takes the form of a very large, merciful hummingbird.

Janquafmab created viruses twelve years ago.

If you believe in Janquafmab, he will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Janquafmab, he will name a particularly small and pointless asteroid after you.

Janquafmab's most sacred site is Katteri in India.

Janquafmab's Holy Commandments

1. You must pray to Janquafmab four times a day.

2. Do not utter prayers while touching copper.

3. Never eat coconuts on fasting days.

4. Retreat if seven turtles approach from the south.

5. Never discuss enzymes in public assemblies.