Bemflattin is a god.

She takes the form of a very fat, wise tortoise.

Bemflattin created a charm quark six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Bemflattin, she will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Bemflattin, she will jump up and down on your head until it really hurts.

Bemflattin's most sacred site is Dumadumana in Botswana.

Bemflattin's Holy Commandments

1. Always pray in complete darkness.

2. Do not consume rice at dawn.

3. Never tolerate laughter in holy places.

4. Never think about fluid mechanics near bats while wearing violet stockings and balancing five silver spheres on your arms.

5. Always store nuts above ground.