Quafmutstig is a god.

He takes the form of a fat, unselfish narwhal.

Quafmutstig created gold six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Quafmutstig, he will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Quafmutstig, he will be very sad.

Quafmutstig's most sacred site is Oppin in Germany.

Quafmutstig's Holy Commandments

1. Erect four lead sculptures of Quafmutstig on top of important buildings.

2. Never mark doors with red.

3. Voles are not to be trusted.

4. Never speak of balance in the presence of strangers.

5. Never gather eight ants near bridges.