Gutfatmob Xucmitnuttkadnibvig is a god.

It takes the form of a chunky, unsympathetic hedgehog.

Gutfatmob Xucmitnuttkadnibvig created a quark seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Gutfatmob Xucmitnuttkadnibvig, it will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Gutfatmob Xucmitnuttkadnibvig, it will refuse to believe in you.

Gutfatmob Xucmitnuttkadnibvig's most sacred site is Issigeac in France.

Gutfatmob Xucmitnuttkadnibvig's Holy Commandments

1. Always wash your hands before prayer.

2. Never write about quantum mechanics.

3. Never hop in the presence of shrews.

4. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Never talk about voles.