Hamxucjig Appripgam is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely small, narcissistic narwhal.

Hamxucjig Appripgam created the Whirlpool Galaxy six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Hamxucjig Appripgam, he will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Hamxucjig Appripgam, he will turn you into a frog.

Hamxucjig Appripgam's most sacred site is Dommerby in Denmark.

Hamxucjig Appripgam's Holy Commandments

1. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

2. Always make sure there are no manatees in a building before entering it.

3. Always check lakes for frogs.

4. Do not prepare cherries while wearing dresses.

5. Do not drink alcohol.