Vadgomkim is a god.

She takes the form of a very heavy, fussy finch.

Vadgomkim created everything that exists two million years ago.

If you believe in Vadgomkim, she will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Vadgomkim, she will jump up and down on your head until it really hurts.

Vadgomkim's most sacred site is Hetta in Finland.

Vadgomkim's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed strawberries to swans while wearing pink scarves.

2. Always cleanse ash with water.

3. Bats are unholy and should not be approached.

4. Always wear violet.

5. Do not prepare figs while filled with fear.