Barntikfob is a god.

He takes the form of a slender, all-knowing human.

Barntikfob created a Higgs boson seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Barntikfob, he will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Barntikfob, he will send four elephants to rub you out.

Barntikfob's most sacred site is Trujillo in Spain.

Barntikfob's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about dark energy near whales while wearing orange rings and balancing eight nickel spheres on your hands.

2. Never think about eukaryotes.

3. Never curse while facing south.

4. Never fashion tools from wood.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.