Pagstaffem is a god.

She takes the form of a very large, blissful cobra.

Pagstaffem created the universe three hundred thousand years ago.

If you believe in Pagstaffem, she will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Pagstaffem, she will throw large rocks at you.

Pagstaffem's most sacred site is Xtul in Mexico.

Pagstaffem's Holy Commandments

1. Do not keep eight ducks in a large pit.

2. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

3. Geese are not to be trusted.

4. Never write about gravity.

5. Do not fashion sacred items from bone.